Focusing on what's to come to avoid the worst cravings...

For me the hardest times are in the supermarket, when I am getting food. I am so used to being able to pick some sweets to bring with me, whatever I feel like there and then. But now I am trying really hard to stay on the path... for lunch today I had some low fat protein vanilla yoghurt with strawberries, and a small portion of vegan green curry with rice. It was actually yummy, although I don't eat vegan normally. 😋 I know, that is not a hindrance to finding vegan food yummy...

So now I am trying to think of "future normal sized me". I don't know if I will ever have a normal BMI, I haven't been normal weighted since I was 12, I think. I have been close once or twice when I was being good, doing loads of sports and such, but I never quiiite managed to get into the normal weight range. So a part of me is doubtful that I will lose that much after the bypass. But, time will show. Today I was ogling the chocolates at the cash register when paying for my lunch... so happy that I managed to not pick one up. I really wish they had confectionary free cash registers here in Austria... 

As part of the preparation for the operation, the hospital where I am at gives us two sessions with weight lifting every week. The goal is to have 18 sessions before the operation, and then 6 sessions after, to get into a routine. I'm really loving it, since it is hard to find time for workouts when you have a toddler. You might think there is enough workout in itself in having a toddler, but somehow, it is never structured enough to build muscle... 😋 I can only say that my biceps are strong. And I am constantly tired, lol.

My biggest challenge is drinking enough water. I keep forgetting, because I don't really drink all that much water to begin with. So I think I have to put in some prompts on my watch, so that I get reminded constantly. Might be a good idea. 

I got one of these for my birthday last year, and I love it soooooo much.

Vitamins

So, from now on I have to take vitamins religiously. Every day. We have been told to start 6-8 weeks pre OP, so I am already getting into the routine. What we have been told, and what our body might need are two different things, so I may have to adjust after the operation. Time will tell. 

I'm currently taking these things:

Supradyn Forte Complex, from Netherlands. They are affordable and they have more vitamins than the ones from Germany... really weird, but there you have it.

The Supradyn I take as a soluble, in about 200ml of water. This is to be taken before lunch, after breakkie. 

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Tetesept Calcium 1200 + D3.  

These are chews, and I take them in the afternoon, so that they don't interfere with the iron and other stuff in the Supradyn. It is a bit higher concentration of Calcium than the ones they recommended, which has 1000mg. But I am still waiting for the delivery of the ones from FitForMe, so I got these as an emergency solution. The ones I am getting have Calcium citrate, which is supposedly better.

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Oleovit D3 drops, that I have to take under the tongue.

Since I had a vitamin D deficiency I have been taking these under the tongue for a while already. They really want us to have all vitamin values up and our cupboards filled before the operation.

More doubts...

 As the days are ticking by, I am getting more anxious... mostly I am thinking of the time right after the operation, where I will need support to get by. In the morning I will not be able to do everything for Thor, and that is scary. Currently I do everything, from waking up, to getting him ready with a new nappy, clothes, entertaining him and he usually wants a hot chocolate in the morning. But when I am freshly operated, I will not be able to do all these things. According to the hospital, the first two-three weeks are the most sensitive ones, where I am not allowed to lift heavy and have to be careful in my movements and how I engage the muscles in the stomach region. Well, with a toddler that means that I cannot do this alone.

I am worried, that I will not be able to cope. My man is not an early bird, and I am not sure if he will rise to the occasion. I can probably engage the extra granny, but I am also not sure how that would look, in practice... for now all she does is pick him up and play with him for some hours once a week. To switch to a caring role, in the home, in the morning, I don't know if that is a good idea or would work. 

Some days I am more hopeful than others. Today, not so much... I'm feeling down and pessimistic.

5 weeks and 6 days...

 It's really moving fast now. I am getting a bit nervous. So now the cheat time is over, I have to stick to the diet restrictions, and lose what I am supposed to lose before going in. Get used to doing what I am supposed to be doing. 

I have a dentist appointment next week, that is also making me a bit nervous, since I hate going to the dentist. But my tooth hurts, and I have to get that taken care of. So now I am also frantically flossing and brushing teeth so that I will not rock up at the dentist's feeling guilty because of not doing that regularly... ahem. 

This coming Friday I have the last appointment before the OP at the hospital. I get all the paperwork. Then I have to submit that to the HQ for the social security in Austria. And then it's just ...  keeping on the straight and narrow until the D-day. eeek!

Conflicting feelings....

So, I know that I won't be able to eat things that are really fatty or sugary after the operation. So, now, I am faced with the paradox that I need to lose weight before the operation, but I also want to eat all the bad stuff for the last time... 😅

I love ice cream, and I think I won't be able to eat it after the operation. That is someting that I will miss. I'll also miss chocolate, if I can't ever eat it again. Or, perhaps I won't... I went off chocolate in 2008, and managed stay off it for almost two years almost without problem. I guess I might get back in that groove?

In any case, if I could choose between eating chocolate and being fit for the rest of my life, I would choose the fitness. In a way I also associate chocolate with bad times, because it is a comfort food. So who knows, maybe I'll just feel less sorry for myself after the operation..? 

Here's hoping!!

Date for the operation: July 1st!

 And so, in 7 weeks I am having a gastric bypass. I am freaked out and excited and everything at once. I have training at the hospital now every Monday and Wednesday, to build strength towards the operation. I am also asked to follow the diet plan strictly, so that I lose the necessary 6 kgs minimum until the operation. I have until now lost about 3 kgs, so I am optimistic.

on the 24th I have my final meeting at the hospital, and I get all the paperwork I have to submit for funding. Which is a formality... I know. Socialist countries rock. 😎 I don't have to worry about any of the cost, apart from all the vitamins that I will need to take for the rest of my life. Which is a fair few, actually...

So now I am on shopping stop until ... well... next year? heh. No worries, I still have a 2-year-old that I can shop for. 😂 My fiancé was worried about me having to buy a whole new wardrobe. I suppose he hasn't noticed that I only use about 10 outfits, whereas my wardrobe is FULL.. and I have stuff in storage that I haven't had the heart to throw out since I was about 50 kgs lighter. So, NO worries there whatsoever, I am looking forward to fitting into all the stuff that is in storage again. 

Meanwhile I am getting ready for the big change. I have booked a denstist appointment, although I hate going to the dentist, because my tooth on the right upper back is hurting when I chew. And I need to chew, a loooot. I'm looking at pill organizers for the vitamins I need each day. Slowly starting to research what to cook and what I can still eat afterwards. 

A lot to do.... 

 The hospital checks on the 2nd and 3rd of April went well. The gastrostcopy was no walk in the park, that's for sure. And apparently I have a bit of a hernia.. but nothing serious. Staying overnight was a bit of a burden for my little one, he missed me a lot. And my dad arrived also on the day of the hospital, so it was all a bit chaotic. But, I was cleared by the internist, and I had to do one more week of food logging for the dietician. The psycologist wants papers both from my therapist and psychiatrist, so I am running around now gathering all the stuff I need to progress. 

Last week I started the physical therapy, which is basically building muscle. I get two sessions a week, on Monday and Wednesday. And I go during work hours, which means no extra stress on the family. Just my boss... 

On the 17th of April I have my talks. I won't have all the documents by then, but only the psychiatrist is missing then.