All clear!!!

At the hospital yesterday I had a meeting with the anesthetist, as well as the surgeon, and now everything is ready for me on the 1st of July. Eeek! Excitement! Which can be defined as joy mixed with some fear. It's not like I am having a mole removed... this is bigger. Life-changing, in fact. Quite extreme. But, I will get through it, and it will be a change for the better. The goal is to shed weight, get stronger, get more energy and be able to take care of my family in a better way.

I have started hoarding small boxes for the food prep. Hoping to do a lot of prep so that I have ready meals for the post op time. 

So, the weekend before the operation, I'll be cooking up a storm. :-)

Even further throw back... 2009

 

We may all have photos of ourselves from before, what we looked like at one point in time when we were happy and satisfied... this is one of me from such a time. And this is what I always try to get back to, and always fail at because it is 15 years ago!!! Here I had managed to lose about 45 kgs, I think. From working out a lot every day, and eating ridiculously healthy for a year. I will probably never look like this again, but I might be just as happy with how I look again! that is the hope, anyway. <3 

Throwback

This was me two years ago, at my almost heaviest ever. About half a year after the birth of my kid. When I look at this I'm struggling to recognise myself. Because this is a picture of a super overweight woman, as I see it. I remember I was struggling to get off the floor without supporting myself. I felt soooo restricted... it's better now, but I'm still very heavy. I have lost about 10-15 kgs since this picture.

2w2d to go.

Things I'm dreaming of that might become reality now... clothes edition.

Getting quality brands hiking gear, and cycling gear for rainy days. Per today I can't fit into any brand that makes these things really well, except for shoe brands... I have had the hiking shoes of my dreams for over two years, but well... I can't really go on big hikes with this weight. My shoes are the Crispi Valdres in black and pink, they're leather, and they fit my feet like they were moulded on. I want to use them more often.

Love, love, love

Being able to get zip-off pants for hiking! I can't ever comfortably get my thies into such pants, because the zip is non-stretch... so the part where the zip is is digging into my flesh. And then when zipping off all the flesh is bulging where the zip line is... ouch. I have never found a zip-off pant that fit me. 

Fitting into my fancy winter coat, and my fancy rain coat. I spent a lot on both of them, and I miss being able to use them.

My turning 40 present to myself,
the raincoat of my dreams.

And ALL the clothes I have not got rid of since the last time I was fit. I have so many clothes... 

Finding boots that fit, that go up to the knee. Not an easy one as my calf muscles are real, but still. 

Being cold. That may sound odd, but if you know, you know. Sweating profusely just from getting my kid dressed is a common occurrence for me. 

Generally my style would be very different if I could fit into the clothes that I like. But since so many brands stop at 44 or 46, that puts a stopper to so many styles. My style has for many years been "whatever I can fit into" - and I am looking forward to being able to take control of that now that I won't be restricted by available sizes. :-) 

Joy and fear

So, just over two weeks to go. I am ... not yet where I should be. I have not lost the 6 kgs yet that I should have, so I am scared because of that. I am now on a diet of shakes and normal food mixed, and trying to keep firmly on the straight and narrow. Fear is a strong motivator too... 

The other day I had a bit of a panic moment. condisering the changes to my body, and that this is not exactly reversible... I REALLY hope that I will be one of those who has a positive outcome after the operation, and that it will be easier than I imagine it. Because I imagine it to be REALLY hard. Also a bit scared about Thor not quite understanding what is going on, and whether he will be gentle enough after the operation. He understands ouch, so I suppose that is were I'll communicate. He can also see the bandages, so I suppose he will comprehend that it is not business as usual. I certainly don't want him jumping on my stomach post op!

This weekend I'll try to be active and burn calories, in order to get as light as possible before the pre-operative talk on Tuesday 18th with the anesthetist and the surgeon. I guess that is the moment of truth..

My measurements for my national costume last year.
That got put on hold when I decided on the operation..

Cheating.... and shakes!

In Europe you don't really have to do the shake-diet before the operation, but for me now it seems the solution to a problem that I have - I've been cheating. And that means I haven't lost enough yet. I need to lose minimum 6 kgs before the operation, I've lost 3. And now it's four weeks to go... the fact that I am still waiting for the social security office to approve it is a bit ennerving. I sincerely hope they will move fast enough forward, that I have everything I need before the 1st of July. To be honest I could do without that stress...

The training and the vitamin taking is making me feel a whole lot better though. At least I have that to comfort myself.

So, to get some fast weight loss I have now started replacing some meals with protein shakes, to see if that can help me get on the right track. I also have to start drinking more... I've downloaded an app to my watch, that will send me reminders. We'll see if that can get me up to 2L minimum per day. 

My electric kickbike died on me last week, so yesterday I had to cycle. And it was raining very hard, when I went home. I got completely drenched. After cycling about 18 km yesterday, coupled with a strength training session at the hospital, I am quite sore today... and I took the car to work. I notice that I kinda hate it. I like being out in the free air so much better. Tomorrow I can pick up the new electric kickbike after training, hopefully I have time to do so. Because biking is not an option when training, I found out.. 

Focusing on what's to come to avoid the worst cravings...

For me the hardest times are in the supermarket, when I am getting food. I am so used to being able to pick some sweets to bring with me, whatever I feel like there and then. But now I am trying really hard to stay on the path... for lunch today I had some low fat protein vanilla yoghurt with strawberries, and a small portion of vegan green curry with rice. It was actually yummy, although I don't eat vegan normally. 😋 I know, that is not a hindrance to finding vegan food yummy...

So now I am trying to think of "future normal sized me". I don't know if I will ever have a normal BMI, I haven't been normal weighted since I was 12, I think. I have been close once or twice when I was being good, doing loads of sports and such, but I never quiiite managed to get into the normal weight range. So a part of me is doubtful that I will lose that much after the bypass. But, time will show. Today I was ogling the chocolates at the cash register when paying for my lunch... so happy that I managed to not pick one up. I really wish they had confectionary free cash registers here in Austria... 

As part of the preparation for the operation, the hospital where I am at gives us two sessions with weight lifting every week. The goal is to have 18 sessions before the operation, and then 6 sessions after, to get into a routine. I'm really loving it, since it is hard to find time for workouts when you have a toddler. You might think there is enough workout in itself in having a toddler, but somehow, it is never structured enough to build muscle... 😋 I can only say that my biceps are strong. And I am constantly tired, lol.

My biggest challenge is drinking enough water. I keep forgetting, because I don't really drink all that much water to begin with. So I think I have to put in some prompts on my watch, so that I get reminded constantly. Might be a good idea. 

I got one of these for my birthday last year, and I love it soooooo much.